10 reasons why everyone should have a dog

1 You never have to suffer the embarassment of knowing that, yes, you really will eat that bit of cookie/pancake/macaroni-and-cheese that fell on the floor because before you can so much as bend over for it, it's been snarfed. He's happy, you don't have to feel like it went to waste, and you didn't even have to clean it up.
2 Once he's housetrained, you almost never have to mop the floors. As explained in 1, foodstuff magically gets cleaned up, and what else do you spill on the floor?
3 You always know when you have visitors. Even if your doorbell is broken. Even if you don't have a doorbell. A dog will always let you know when you have visitors.
4 A dog helps you appreciate your food so much more. No matter what you're eating, his high opinion of it makes it taste better.
5 A dog helps your social life. You're out taking him for a walk, and you start making friends with everyone else on the block who has a dog. Now, just imagine if everyone had a dog, you'd get to know everyone on your block! Wouldn't that be cool? Better yet, you'd get to know all their dogs!
6 Say it's a Saturday, and you're antsy, but you don't want to do something useful, and you're not the sporty go-play-basketball type. What do you do? Well, if you have a dog, you go outside and play fetch. You burn energy, your dog has fun, and everybody's happy.
7 Say you're sick, or maybe just tired, and you want to curl up in bed and read a book, or flop on the couch with a movie. Is there anything better than cuddling up with a dog on such an occasion? Okay, maybe an attractive member of the gender of your choice. But short of that, is there anything better than a dog?
8 Dogs build critical thinking and memory skills. Basic things like remember to feed him, and remember to take him out. But also, remember not to leave food at the edge of the table where he can get it, and judging just how close to the edge of the table is safe. Or, is this Christmas present probably something safe to put under the tree, or could it be chocolate, and I'll find its wrappings shredded all over the floor? See, critical thinking skills!
9 You always have someone to talk to. Okay, so maybe he can't actually converse back with you about politics or books or your miserable lack of a love life or whatever it is you'd be talking to yourself about, but he'll listen. Intently, if you scratch behind his ears.
10 A dog automatically forms a pack, with you at its head. You get to be the alpha. All you have to do is take care of your pack and be a good leader, and you get a pack member who's loyal and good and funny and always likes you. You get the pleasure of knowing there's somebody who prefers your company to anyone else's. You get to have a pack. And, really, what's better than that?